For some reason I keep on coming back to this one one blog. It's the one that I started with during the beginning of college. It's also the that has all of the joys and pains from all three years catalogued in one consolidated place. Perhaps, I'll archive it one day soon, and start over during the summer when I (hopefully) go to graduate school. Speaking of social networks I also started a Tumblr account, which I had originally designed to post a picture of everyday remaining of senior year, but so far that I haven't been able to contribute to it as frequently as I liked. Unfortunately, Finals has taken a toll on my time even in general.
So for the deeper meaning part of the entry:
This has been one of the worst weeks in quite a while. From a psychological perspective, I should probably wait until the end of the week to write this, after I've had some time to unwind and hang out with friends (end-experience perception, first explained in pain psychology); however, as I sit and fix my friend's computer, I find myself wanting to express my self and the anger now.
During the last few years, I have really tried to learn to take things in strides; however, there are some moments that are just too overwhelming to not express. This week, especially today, was not one of those times that I could really easily stay at my normal calm. It just seemed like one bad decision or outcome was compounding onto the next. While I tried my best to allot the correct amount of time to studying for my health psychology final, my attempt to memorize as much as possible for my biochemistry final the same day just required too much time. Even though I had already decided to play grade defense as much as possible, I continued to study for biochemistry far longer than I should have. Even with this increased time allotted to studying for biochemistry, I still felt unprepared as always. After taking my 7:30am biochemistry final, I was just too tired to try and study again, so I napped between my classes, which killed off even more time, that I really should have just toughed out and studied through in hindsight. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, so realistically, I have no clue whether I would have studied the right material, but the chance that I could have deeply saddens me.
After an exhausting day, I took a rest, which ended with my inability to go back to studying for the night. This pushed writing a 10 page extra credit paper (that I ended up skipping in favor of studying for another test), to the day that it was due. After studying for microbiology for several hours, I decided that I should sit down and write the paper, but it just didn't happen. I continuously changed the topic that I wanted to focus on, partially due to research I was finding and partially due to my lack of desire to make any real progress. Regardless, when I finally went to bed at 4am on Wednesday morning, I felt like I was very well prepared for my final. While, I wish I could say that the exam the next morning went smoothly, the truth is that it was far from that. While I think I actually did pretty well on the exam, the circumstances surrounding the test were so stressful.
In the end, I think that this week will be acceptable. While I am already feeling better, thanks to my advisor's dinner for the my research group, I feel like I still have a long road ahead of me for the rest of the week.
So the week's discovery is this. Despite the best planning, life is all about tearing those plans up. Whether it is reality or yourself that tears those plans up, nothing is what you expect it to be.
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